If you think penis jewelry is only for porn stars, you need to see this NSFW accessory from London Fashion Week.
Designers are having some serious penis envy right now. In 2014, Tom Ford had the balls to release the controversial penis pendant necklace that went viral for its uncanny resemblance to the crucifix. A year later, Rick Owens debuted an uncensored collection of shirts with penis peepholes. We thought the trend would finally die when girls started wearing dickliner, but then Vivienne Westwood’s penis jewelry happened at London Fashion Week.
Vivienne Westwood’s fall 2017 menswear collection included both male and female models in cohesive unisex looks. Paper crowns and fedoras paired with gold foil dresses and neat pantsuits floated down the catwalk. Of course, the show was capped off with a man in a raunchy black tulle dress. However, the banana-shaped accessory everyone’s talking about isn’t exactly gender neutral.
Everyone knows Westwood for her bright orange hair and avant-garde punk couture. She’s the queen of all things wild, crazy, and colorful on the runway. Oh, and bedazzled penis-shaped pins.
Yes, sparkly penises are kind of cool now, and we don’t know how to feel. If you’re having penis jewelry déjà vu, you’re probably thinking of her penis chokers back in 2016. While these were a bit girthier, it seems like the penis in any shape or size is always a conversation piece. This is an accessory especially reserved for men with big balls because not everyone has the guts to sport a dangly penis with a suit.
So, how can you pull off this look off-runway without looking a bit pervy? Our word of advice: avoid wearing penis jewelry at work functions and family affairs. Hence, the “NSFW” part. As long as your not dangling a penis in front of innocent bystanders (aka: children), you’re in the clear. We recommend saving it for the after-hours scene, like a speak-easy bar, where it can be appreciated in all its peen glory.
You can actually purchase similar penis-shaped accessories for retail on Westwood’s online website. The penis whistle keychain is already sold out, but the single stud earrings are still available for a cool $85.